MySuicidalSecret

They tell me lies Horrible lies They say I need you more than you could ever need me They say you would be ok if I wasn’t here They say you would pick up the pieces and move on To better things I know it’s a lie I know that right now But what happens when I don’t know it anymore? They tell me the truth The awful truth They say I hurt you They say I drag you down They say I am the source of all your problems The cause of your pain I know it’s the truth But you say it’s not Do you really not know it is true? They tell me many things Many terrible things They say I’m worthless They say I deserve this pain

My name is Alanna, and I am 17 years old. However, my paranoia and depression surfaces itself as another name, which many of you are familiar with, Lani. At the age of 14, I was cyber abused by a guy who thought it was amusing to force me to do things on webcam for his entertainment, using the lack of trust between my parents and I as a form of blackmail. I have never gotten over this. So much so, I changed my name, to Lani, because even then I knew that I was damaged and wanted to feel separate to the person I once was. I have been a self harmer for three years, and in that time attempted suicide 7 times, however never bad enough to end u

Never stood up for myself I always tried to be someone else But I am not that girl anymore One day I finally tried to be me and that's when we started to disagree But I wasn't backing down__, no__ Chorus: I'd die a thousand ways, yes, I'll die a thousand ways just to get away from you and all the shit you've put us through____           (x2) You've always tried to make my life hell for some reason I couldn't tell_ But I still wasn't backing down__, no__ And every time I try to sit down and read You'd try to put me into misery__ But that wasn't the half of it. Chorus (x2) Now that I am finally grown enough I am no longer afraid of your f